I think a lot of what you say here really rings true, especially the part about the Date Night. That means that we are always changing and growing. And what is even worse, is to think of him alone in our house Christmas Day while I work a 24 hr in-house call shift. I told her that is noble but she would be selfish to marry and work 80 hour work weeks yet if she does marry I can not see any man who would selflessly give over decades for the sake of his wife's career.
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Get her to explain what she believes, and how it might differ from her church. If all the Mormons truly were the pricks we often claim them to be, then Mormonism would be the perfect punishment for them. Ask her right out if she is at all interested in leaving TSCC. I do my best, I accepted him knowing the stress on his career, knowing that it isn't easy. Love and support them just as you would if your husband was a carpenter. Interesting to read the concerns of so many doctor's wives.
I know a guy who had a hobby of corrupting Mormon girls he was abused by his TBM parentsand I'm told you're both right. Wow, every word resonates. I also remember my father a stake president telling me the night before I got married that every single couple he had counseled through marriage struggles were not reading their scriptures or praying together every night. Is it just the expectation that the SOs of people in these fields are on the backburner.
If you do believe it fully, are you not really going to want him to make the conversion ultimately. The misogyny is deep in the Mormon church. If he weren't a doctor saving lives and had more free time, he could most definitely do YOUR job. If you want to go against that trend, one of you will almost certainly change perspective. When I come home, I don't necessarily want to be alone, I just need to do things that will calm or recharge me instead of things that will tire me out more. So if you are caffeine junky, be sure that you can adjust to and accept your date's beliefs before going on a date. Never marry someone with the goal of a post-marriage conversion.